I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
