I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
