Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
