Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
