I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is wine microwaveable?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
