I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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