Don't make out with my wife yet
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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