2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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