my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
