I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
