Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
