wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
