Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
