foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
