I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
