Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
