I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Randomize