I have demons in me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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