Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
