Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize