i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize