Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
