A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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