Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
