I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
