he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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