is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
