Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
