Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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