my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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