Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
