We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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