I can tuck mytits in my pants
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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