A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
