I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
