Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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