your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
