The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
