It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
