Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
