just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so let's talk penis.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
