I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize