Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
