if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
