I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
