I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
