did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
