It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
