dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
