So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize