I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize