I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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