we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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