Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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