Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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