bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
