it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
