Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
