The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
