Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
