I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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