when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
