i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
