Umm I'm too high to move.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize