I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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