just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You took a bar mat shot.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
